


Operation: The Trial of Bruce's Cat

by Blizzard_Fire



Series: Bruce Week 2020 [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adorable Bruce Banner, Avengers group chat, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Bruce Banner-centric, Domestic Avengers, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha wants a pet tarantula, Post-Avengers (2012), Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, chatfic, disaster Clint Barton, there's a cat, tony stark is a little shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23397370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blizzard_Fire/pseuds/Blizzard_Fire
Summary: Nat:Anyone checked on Bruce? We'd better wake him up before Fury does it for usSteve:I'm with him. He's having another... incident.Clint:is he sobbing on the floor of the bathroom because hulk saw a puppy again?Bruce:it was a chihuahuaBruce:And it was wearing rain boots and a bowtie :'(Steve:Bruce, please unlock the door.Bruce:How does anyone deserve to share the planet with a chihuahua wearing a bowtie???Bruce:I'm not wearing any pants. You can't come in.Tony:Bruce... we've ALL seen you naked..In which Bruce is a cat mother, Natasha wants a pet tarantula and Clint can't spell his favourite food.
Series: Bruce Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1671742
Comments: 11
Kudos: 177
Collections: Bruceweek





	Operation: The Trial of Bruce's Cat

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt "Trial, Comfort" for Bruce Week 2020.
> 
> This is a sequel to [a previous chatfic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19040464) about Bruce adopting a stray cat! But it works as a standalone. The idea of Bruce being a loving cat mother just wouldn't leave me alone.

TUES 04/29, 11:21AM

_Bruce messaged the group AVENGERINOS_

**Bruce:** Has anyone seen Max? I think he got out of my room last night.

 **Steve:** Again?

 **Bruce:** Well, he was a stray. I guess he's used to nighttime wanderings.

 **Nat:** Try opening a bag of chips, that usually brings him running

 **Bruce:** I've checked all the usual places. He's not in the kitchen.

 **Thor:** Alas, I have not seen him :((

 **Clint:** can confirm he's not in the communal living room

 **Clint:** i know this because my ankles aren't leaking blood all overthe floor

12:48PM

 **Nat:** Did you find him?

 **Bruce:** No

 **Bruce:** I've checked everywhere. Getting worried.

01:47PM

 **Tony:** Anyone want to tell me what's going on with Bruce?

 **Tony:** He's looking a little green about the gills

 **Tony:** Literally

 **Clint:** scroll up dud e

 **Thor:** BRuce has lost his furry companion!!

 **Steve:** Tony, weren't you working on a microchip to find him more easily?

 **Tony:** Bruce

 **Tony:** Bru ce

 **Tony:** BRUCE check your phone

 **Steve:** Did you find Max?

 **Tony:** Yes

 **Bruce:** Oh, thank god. Where?

 **Tony:** First off, you could have just told JARVIS to find him for you

 **Tony:** And second, he's in the lab with me

 **Tony:** He was using Dum-E as a scratching post so I made him some toys

_Tony sent a photo_

**Tony:** Robot mice. He can chase them as much as he wants

 **Tony:** Max is a big boy, he can look after himself

 **Tony:** Come collect your furbaby

 **Bruce:** On my way. :)

 **Clint:** aww bruce is a mom now

_Tony sent a photo_

**Tony:** Look at these two softies

 **Nat:** Bruce + cat = happy Bruce

WED 04/30, 03:10AM

 **Clint:** anyone stil up?

 **Thor:** Aye!!!

 **Clint:** sweet. im making some freaky midnight omlutts u want in

 **Clint:** ok more like 3am omlutts i guess

 **Thor:** Omlutt is.... music??

 **Clint:** nah like eggs and cheese and shit

 **Clint:** omelits

 **Clint:** omleittes

 **Clint:** idk

 **Clint:** im gonna see what happens when you put cereal and bacon in em

 **Thor:** Interesting!! I would like to try this..

 **Clint:** midgards finest cuisine is happening in stark towers kitchen RIGHT NOW come on down

 **Thor** : FReaky midnight omelites it is!

 **Clint:** :D

07:17AM

 **Bruce:** Omelets.

08:32AM

 **Clint:** fuck off

09:12AM

 **Steve:** Why does it smell like bacon and regret in here?

 **Thor:** We had a feast!!

 **Steve:** Clint did you eat all of the lucky charms??

 **Tony:** I always thought you were more of an oats guy

 **Steve:** Just because I was in the military that doesn't mean I have no tastebuds!

11:42AM

 **Nat:** Fury's called for a meeting, get your butts down here

 **Thor:** On my way..

 **Clint:** can t

 **Clint:** oh god i think those egs were bad

 **Clint:** im sick as a dog dude

 **Nat:** Nice

 **Clint:** nat i bequeath to u my star wars collection

 **Nat:** lol RIP

THURS 05/01, 11:09AM

 **Bruce:** Did someone feed Max today???

 **Bruce:** And by "feed" I mean "give him something he shouldn't have eaten"?

 **Clint:** oh shit who angered the cat mother

 **Nat:** I may have left some bread out on the counter earlier... sorry :(

 **Bruce:** No, I don't think it was bread. He's lived off garbage for years.

 **Tony:** Why do you ask? He ok?

 **Bruce:** Max is fine. He's running around my apartment leaving a brown trail of shit wherever he goes.

 **Tony:** huh

 **Tony:** About that...

 **Tony:** I may have been eating some ice cream yesterday

 **Tony:** And he may have had a tiny bite

 **Bruce:** Tony wtf

 **Tony:** It was the eyes okay! I couldn't just say no!

 **Tony:** Plus he jumped on me. Max weighs as much as a human toddler. I had no choice really

 **Bruce:** You owe me a new carpet. Jesus.

 **Tony:** Consider it done. nbd

 **Bruce:** I'm still mad.

 **Tony:** He's fiiiine Why don't you go cry about it on that other chat I'm not on

 **Nat:** What other chat?

 **Tony:** Well four of you coordinated in secret to get that cat into the tower without me noticing

 **Tony:** So I assume there is a secret group chat

 **Clint:** lol ur adorable

11:20AM

_Clint messaged the group NOT TONY_

**Clint:** guys I think hes onto us

 **Nat:** Do you think he knows about Operation: Get Nat a Tarantula?

 **Steve:** How is that going by the way?

 **Nat:** Well...

 **Nat:** Not great.

 **Nat:** I want to find a rescue tarantula. Those are harder to come by :(

 **Bruce** : I'll put out some feelers. I'm sure we'll find you one :)

SAT 05/03, 02:21PM

_Steve messaged the group AVENGERINOS_

**Steve:** Bruce, your cat just brought me a present...

 **Bruce:** Oh no. What kind?

 **Steve:** The elasticated kind.

 **Nat:** Huh?

 **Bruce:** He keeps stealing underwear for some reason.

 **Bruce:** I'm sorry they're probably mine.

 **Steve:** You wear Hulk boxers?

 **Clint:** lol fr

 **Bruce:** ...Ironically.

 **Tony:** Explains why this pair is very well-worn and has a hole in the ass as big as my hand

 **Bruce:** That hole wasn't there this morning! Damn it.

 **Bruce:** Okay yes I wear them but only because they're comfortable.

 **Tony:** On the bright side Brucie, you'll be able to take a dump without taking them off

 **Steve:** #RIPbruce'sboxers

 **Tony:** Ugh

 **Tony:** Don't try and be cool and modern please Cap

 **Tony:** That made me shiver

 **Steve:** Why are you messaging me when I'm standing next to you?

 **Tony:** Someone has to stop you from trying to be "down with the kidz"

_Steve sent an image_

**Nat:** Is that... a meme?

 **Steve:** How do you do, fellow kids?

 **Clint:** oh my god

 **Clint:** steve i love you man

 **Bruce:** I don't get it.

 **Clint:** u wudnt

MON 05/05, 10:04AM

_Bruce created a group_

_Bruce added Clint, Thor, Steve_

**Bruce:** I think I've found a spider for Nat!

 **Steve:** That's great

 **Clint:** lol u sound happy steve

 **Steve:** I am happy for Nat. Not so much for my beauty sleep.

_Clint renamed the group to Spidey boiz club no girls or tony allowed_

**Bruce:** It's even a rescued spider. :)

 **Bruce:** It was kept in a lab and they were testing chemicals on it. An old colleague of mine liberated it.

_Bruce sent a photo_

**Bruce:** Who screamed just now?

 **Thor:** Twas Steve..

 **Clint:** LOL

 **Clint:** he threw his phone and dented the wall

 **Clint:** ahaaa

 **Clint:** steve ur screwed on april fools buddy

 **Bruce:** Clint, don't be cruel. 

**Bruce:** We all know you're terrified of clowns.

 **Bruce:** Which is funny...

 **Bruce:** Didn't you grow up in a circus?

 **Clint:** ugh fine im sorry dad ill behave :p

_Thor renamed the group to ON ASGARD there are spiders as large as horses and_

**Thor:** and they were once used as mounts

 **Thor:** We would ride into battle on winged arachnids

 **Thor:** Alas they would often attempt to eat their riders..

 **Clint:** thats actually an awesome chat name

 **Thor:** STill learning how to text :(

 **Bruce:** I like it too.

 **Steve:** I don't...

12:45PM

_Nat messaged the group AVENGERINOS_

**Nat:** Just caught Max with some more underwear...

 **Nat:** It's a thong and it's not mine

 **Tony:** Bruce? >:)

 **Clint:** ooh la la! ;D

 **Tony:** Always the quiet ones!

 **Thor:** What is a thong?

_Nat sent a photo_

**Thor:** Tis more string than material!

 **Bruce:** Those are NOT mine.

 **Nat:** I'm scared to pick it up

 **Nat:** Hope these just came out of the laundry...

_Nat sent a photo_

**Nat:** The jig is up

 **Nat:** This is a Captain America thong

 **Tony:** !!

 **Tony:** I have so many questions and I don't know if i want answers to them

 **Steve:** Why is Thor telling me to check my phone?

 **Steve:** oh.

 **Steve:** I can explain...

 **Steve:** Someone gave me that... thing... as a gag gift for my birthday last year.

 **Nat:** So why did you keep it?

 **Steve:** Because it's funny...

 **Clint:** yh right

 **Clint:** you HATE this kind of humour

 **Bruce:** Which of us gave you that? Was it Tony?

 **Steve:** ...

 **Steve:** Bucky.

 **Tony:** Suddenly I understand so many things

 **Nat:** I'll leave them outside your room Steve

 **Nat:** Hung them on the doorknob for you <3

 **Steve:** You're too kind...

 **Bruce:** I think I need some "decoy" underwear for Max to steal. Sorry, Steve.

08:59PM

 **Tony:** This is what Bruce does when he's left alone with the cat and thinks no one else is watching

 **Tony:** This man has 7 PhDs but put an underloved fluffy animal in front of him and...

_Tony sent a photo_

**Tony:** Now he's holding him like a baby and singing to him

 **Nat:** I NEED a video of this, for... science

_Tony sent a video_

**Clint:** omg bruce is a baby-talker why am i not surprised

 **Steve:** He's been so happy since Max came along. I think it's been really good for him.

 **Nat:** It's been worth all the teething troubles imo

 **Nat:** Sometimimes you just need something to love

 **Clint:** lol u ok

 **Nat:** I'm a little drunk

 **Nat:** i shouldn't have challenged Thor to doing some shots with me

 **Nat:** Bruce you deserve as many fluffy animals as you want

 **Tony:** I admit I wasn't keen at first but yeah. I get it. Brucie deserves the world

 **Nat:** Hey tony let's all get pets :3

 **Tony:** No.

 **Nat:** Why not? :(

 **Tony:** Because Bruce actually needed Max. Do you have a tragic origin story too?

 **Nat:** Yes

 **Clint:** yes

 **Steve:** Well, yes.

 **Thor:** loki died a couple of times if that counts

 **Tony:** It would be chaos.

 **Tony:** CHAOS

09:21PM

_Nat messaged the group NOT TONY_

**Nat:** i''m getting a tarantua and no one can stop me

 **Clint:** lol go to bed boo u drunk

 **Thor:** Fear not,, I will ensure she goes now.

 **Clint:** gent

 **Nat:** Spiderrrr :'(

WED 05/07, 02:21PM

_Clint messaged the group AVENGERINOS_

**Clint:** bruce man i love you

 **Clint:** ur sexy ur hair is great and ur the best monopoly player on the team

 **Clint:** but can you PLEASE keep ur cat out of my room im begging you

 **Bruce:** What's wrong? Max was in my room all night.

 **Bruce:** I think...

 **Clint:** he shat in my sock drawer! again!!

 **Nat:** What do you expect Barton, your room smells like a plague pit

 **Nat:** He probably thought it was a dumpster

 **Clint:** damn i just got up gimme a break

 **Steve:** It's afternoon...

 **Clint:** and im hungover wdywfm

 **Steve:** I won't even pretend to know what that means.

 **Bruce:** No offense Clint but you can't blame Max all the time.

 **Clint:** oh im sorry did YOU shit in my sock drawer then??

 **Tony:** Brucie if this continues I'm afraid I'll have to put your buddy on trial

 **Nat:** Defendant: Maximus Cattus

 **Tony:** Age: Old as balls

 **Clint:** on trial for various counts of RUINING MY DAY

 **Bruce:** Please stop roasting my cat.

 **Tony:** Defence, your opening statement?

 **Bruce:** Do you have proof it was Max's shit?

 **Bruce:** The evidence is merely circumstantial, your honor.

 **Nat:** The defence has a point!

 **Clint:** should

 **Clint:** should i take a sample to test in the lab or

 **Tony:** Can the prosecution prove that the defendant was indeed in the vicinity of Lady Barton's room at the time of the crime?

 **Clint:** i hate u guys

 **Clint:** max has no alibi!! bruce was asleep!

 **Clint:** i came to bed at like 4am and my room did not smell like shit!! so it couldnt have happened earlier

 **Thor:** StarK Tower has security systems does it not?? Why not check those

 **Clint:** holy shit

 **Clint:** ur right

 **Tony:** I'm on it...

 **Clint:** why do we need proof ffs

_Bruce sent a photo_

**Bruce:** Here's his mugshot, just in case.

 **Tony:** Okay folks the results are in...

 **Tony:** Clint, you said your room was shit-free before you went in at 4am?

 **Clint:** yh

 **Tony:** Therefore Max had to have entered your room between 4am and 2pm, whilst you were asleep?

 **Nat:** Well?

 **Tony:** Maximus...

 **Tony:** Did not leave Bruce's room all night, and no one else entered Barton's room in that time.

 **Tony:** Which means...

 **Nat:** oh god

 **Tony:** Take a closer look at that shit, Agent.

 **Steve:** Clint, you didn't...

 **Nat:**?

 **Clint:** so heres the thing

 **Clint:** i may have been kinda wasted last night

 **Clint:** and took a shit in my sock drawer

 **Nat:** OMG

 **Nat:** I'm cryingg

 **Bruce:** The defence rests.

 **Steve:** Well, this was a wild ride.

 **Thor:** I take it you will not be wearing socks for some time to come, Clint..

 **Clint:** im going back to bed. fuck.

 **Clint:** god it smells so bad

FRI 05/09, 06:09PM

 **Thor:** Alas, Fury wishes for us to attend a meeting :(

 **Clint:** ur shitting me

 **Clint:** weve only been back 10 minutes i havent even showered yet!

 **Nat:** I still have alien brains in my hair </3

 **Tony:** There's a fuckton of pizza about to arrive so let's make this quick

 **Nat:** Anyone checked on Bruce? We'd better wake him up before Fury does it for us

 **Steve:** I'm with him. He's having another... incident.

 **Clint:** is he sobbing on the floor of the bathroom because hulk saw a puppy again?

 **Thor:** I do not understand?

 **Tony:** Hulk gets overexcited when he sees cute animals. When he turns back into Bruce it throws his brain chemistry off-balance

 **Tony:** Or maybe he's just remembering how darn cute the puppy was

 **Bruce:** it was a chihuahua

 **Bruce:** And it was wearing rain boots and a bowtie :'(

 **Steve:** Bruce, please unlock the door.

 **Bruce:** How does anyone deserve to share the planet with a chihuahua wearing a bowtie???

 **Bruce:** I'm not wearing any pants. You can't come in.

 **Tony:** Bruce... we've ALL seen you naked.

 **Bruce:** ...Fine.

 **Nat:** Is he going to be well enough for this meeting?

 **Steve:** He's getting dressed now. We'll be there. Max is coming too.

 **Clint:** max is the 7th avenger, dude

06:42PM

 **Tony:** This is the longest meeting in the history of meetings

 **Nat:** Max's purring is comforting me :3

 **Nat:** At least Bruce looks a little happier

 **Steve:** Guys, focus please. This is important.

 **Tony:** Know what else is important? The pizza I ordered that I want to eat sometime before next year

 **Clint:** why did fury insist on scanning max? like what did he expect to find, an alien shapeshifter? hes been staring at that cat for half this meeting

 **Clint:** o shit is he going to stroke max rn is this happening

 **Tony:** He's about to lose his other eye if he gets too close - Max hates everyone except Bruce

 **Clint:** :0

 **Nat:** How...? Why isn't Max attacking him?

 **Tony:** Max now has 2 friends

 **Tony:** Fury saying the words "come here you furry motherfucker" in a loving voice will forever be burned into my memory

 **Bruce:** is it time for pizza yet?

 **Clint:** if this meeting isnt finishd in 5 minutes im gonna have a fucking aneurism

 **Bruce:** I could eat my own body weight in pizza.

 **Clint:** whatever you do dont think about chihuahuas

 **Bruce:** Don't...

 **Clint:** especially not ones wearing rainboots

 **Nat:** Barton if you make him cry I'll tell Fury who keeps putting tacks on his chair

 **Steve:** We're nearly done here everyone, please focus.

 **Tony:** First one out after the meeting gets the first slice?

 **Clint:** oh its on bitch

SAT 05/10, 08:15AM

_Bruce messaged the group ON ASGARD there are spiders as large as horses and_

**Bruce:** I don't want anyone to panic...

 **Bruce:** But I may have lost the spider.

 **Clint:** nope

 **Clint:** NOPENOPENOPE

 **Clint:** how tf did you lose it???

 **Bruce:** I came back from breakfast and the lid was off the tank. I'm worried Max might have got to him but I can't find him either.

 **Thor:** If Natasha were to find it before the secret was revealed...

 **Bruce:** Or Tony...

 **Steve:** Alright, we can fix this. Let's do an area sweep. I'll take perimeter and guard the exits. We'll sweep each floor.

 **Clint:** lol

 **Bruce:** Steve... it's not a poisonous spider. Don't worry.

 **Thor:** Have you checked the cameras?

 **Bruce:** If I ask JARVIS Tony will know. I'd rather try to find him without if possible.

 **Steve:** Okay, we'd better keep things quiet. If anyone asks, we're looking for Max.

 **Steve:** Everyone just stay calm and act natural.

09:30AM

_Tony messaged the group AVENGERINOS_

**Tony:** Why is Steve marching up and down the communal floor muttering "we've gotta find it"?

 **Tony:** THE WAR'S OVER STEVE

 **Nat:** He's been doing it all morning

 **Nat:** He's also in full uniform and shield

 **Tony:** jfc

 **Tony:** Hey grandpa, there's no nazis in the cereal cupboard. Do I need to call someone?

 **Steve:** Max has gone missing again.

 **Nat:** Oh no :( we'll help!

09:38AM

_Clint messaged the group ON ASGARD there are spiders as large as horses and_

**Clint:** thanks a lot steve

 **Bruce:** I'm starting to worry about Max, too. He doesn't usually go far from the communal floors.

 **Thor:** Did we check all the bathrooms?? Max often frequents them.

 **Steve:** He does?

 **Clint:** yep

 **Clint:** he follows bruce in to watch him pee

 **Clint:** its weird

09:42AM

_Tony messaged the group AVENGERINOS_

**Tony:** You guys know you can just ask JARVIS right

 **Tony:** Max is in the laundry room

 **Bruce:** Shit. He's probably ripped everything to shreds...

10:02AM

_Bruce messaged the group ON ASGARD there are spiders as large as horses and_

**Bruce:** I found Max, but no spider. I really hope he didn't eat it...

 **Steve:** Max was in the laundry room?

 **Bruce:** Yeah. Why?

 **Steve:** I got my uniform from there earlier. I hope the spider wasn't in there too.

 **Clint:** lol steve check ur uniform maybe the spiders making a nest in ur underwear

 **Steve:** Hilarious.

 **Thor:** Tis true that spiders seek warm dark places to lay their young... perhaps it is worth a try..

 **Steve:** I think I would know if there was a spiouiuuu uuuu

 **Steve:** /

 **Steve:** ljkllllkllkjjjkjlkklkll

 **Clint:** um steve

 **Clint:** i just heard a scream

 **Bruce:** Keep the others distracted im going to laudry rm

10:05AM

_Tony messaged the group AVENGERINOS_

**Tony:** wtf are you guys doing? Did I just hear someone scream?

 **Clint:** everythings fine

10:06AM

_Nat messaged the group NOT TONY_

**Nat:** What are you boys up to?

 **Clint:** EVERYTHING IS FINEE

10:11AM

_Bruce messaged the group ON ASGARD there are spiders as large as horses and_

**Bruce:** We found the spider.

 **Clint:** oh god

 **Bruce:** It had indeed found a nice warm dark place to crawl into.

 **Thor:** It is unharmed?

 **Bruce:** Yeah, amazingly.

 **Thor:** How is Steve?

 **Bruce:** Still shaking but he'll be fine.

 **Steve:** I can still feel it on me. That was awful

 **Clint:** ur a hero steve, just imagine how happy nat will be

 **Steve:** Do you think it might have laid eggs?

 **Bruce:** It's a male spider. Don't worry.

 **Steve:** Now you tell me...

10:15AM

_Bruce messaged the group AVENGERINOS_

**Bruce:** Nat, could you come down to the laundry room?

_Bruce sent a photo_

**Bruce:** I've got a friend who wants to meet you.

 **Nat:** !!!

 **Nat:** omg so furry and cute

 **Nat:** Girl or boy??

 **Bruce:** Boy. Sorry, Max decided to take him on a tour of the tower it seems.

 **Nat:** He's beautiful :')

 **Bruce:** Rescued from a life in a lab and ready to go to a room that doesn't contain a troublesome cat. :)

 **Nat:** Thank you so much. I'm on my waaay

 **Nat:** :D

 **Clint:** bruce u posted this in the wrong chat

 **Tony:** Ahem

 **Bruce:** Oh. Hey, Tony.

 **Bruce:** We may have gotten Nat a tarantula.

 **Tony:** I know, I was watching the laundry room cameras. Cap looks like he could use a therapist

 **Tony:**...

 **Tony:** You know what? I don't care anymore. I can't stop you guys from smuggling pets in. Enjoy your new friend Nat.

 **Tony:** Banner you're in time-out. I'm picking the lab music for the next month.

 **Bruce:** I'll take one for the team.

_Bruce sent a photo_

**Bruce:** Happy Nat.

 **Clint:** nat dont kiss it omg its touched steves junk

 **Clint:** probably reeks of patriotism

 **Steve:** Don't spoil the moment, Clint. I made my sacrifice here.

 **Tony:** First thongs now this? I won't judge ya Cap

 **Nat:** Thanks boys <3

 **Nat:** I'm going to call him Oleg. It's a Russian name but also

 **Nat:** Oh! Leg!

 **Clint:** thats almost as bad as maximus cattus

 **Steve:** Mission successful. I'm going to have a drink.

 **Tony:** But you can't get drunk?

 **Steve:** No but maybe it'll make me feel better. I'm glad you like him, Nat.

 **Steve:** Please warn me if you're going to post any photos, though.

 **Nat:** I will <3

 **Thor:** What a thrill this has been!! The Avengers succeed in challenges both big and small - and many-legged!!

 **Bruce:** I'm going to take Max back to my room.

 **Clint:** hey tony can i get an alligator

 **Tony:** Clint? Have 10. I am past trying to stop you guys.

 **Clint:** >:)

 **Bruce:** I might join you for that drink, Steve.

 **Nat:** <3


End file.
